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'A typical stamp you'll receive at Australian international airports. Only serious questions are asked there!' posted by Matthew Strahorn


Some useful answers

an experience of travel

A friend of mine sent me the following.
 
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
 
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
 
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
 
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
 
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
 
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
 
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
 
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
 
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
 
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
 
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
 
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
 
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
 
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
 
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink.
 
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
 
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, g*y nightclubs.
 
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
 
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
 

 
Thanks to
Matthew Strahorn
from Brisbane
on 07/11/2008 send a message to Matthew Strahorn

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Other Experiences of Matthew Strahorn

Clothesline signage for a suburb (part 1), Clothesline signage for a suburb (part 2), Living in the Wild West, Tripping in the Park, Stuart Highway - the real wilderness, Just 21 Hours Away, Plenty of Water, Australian architecture: where hip and historic coexist, Living with cane toads, an imported menace, Highest court in the land, Kayaking on the harbour, Life in Newman, WA, Women drivers surprising the blokes at Australian mines, Metal cake

Other experiences of travel

Frequent flyers?? by Doug, By Train to Adelaide by Collin, Flying art by Doug, Kimberly's W.A. by potsy, Aerial view of syd cbd by punter, Better than Monkey Mia? by roofus, Leaving home by roofus, 15/05/06 Geraldton to Kalbari by roofus, Our Trip And The Aussie Flag by roofus, My Country by maggie, ANZAC biscuits help keep peace in Kashmir by Doug, Sydney Harbour by Penny, No spare tyre by julia, ozzie by vikki007, Riding on the 3801 by Rodney, Not ice, nor 'Ice', nor snow. Just Pilbara salt by Douglas, Railmotor from Werris Creek by Douglas, A locomotive cab ride in Australia's northwest by Rodney, Golden Fleece that way it used to be by Reginald, She'll Be Right! by Celeste, Aussie in Sth Florida USA !!! by Kat, Feeling Australian during pub crawl in Prague by wemb, A ride on Puffing Billy by Rodney, Riding on the bus by Derek, Camping on the Delegate by Harry, Waiting for the train from Jincumbilly by Harry

Other experiences from people feeling curious

Lawn in the Pilbara by Doug, Big Australian Sky by Doug, By Train to Adelaide by Collin, mountain weather by dylan, Interesting Cars by potsy, Swimming Pool for One by Doug, Shark Wrestling in South Australia by Doug, Our natural bushland by sharles48, Spiders lurking by Douglas, Outdoor shower by Doug, ozzie by vikki007, Going to a classy outdoor outback loo by shazza, The rural gatepost where yarns are had by Doug, P-Plate by Doug, Weekday oasis of calm by Doug, BYOB: The wine bottle in a brown paper bag phenomena by Atalanta, Vegemite by Atalanta, Walking the streets of Sydney by Douglas, Melbourne Cup in Martin Place by Douglas, Taking a punt on the Melbourne Cup - Part 1 of 2 by Douglas, Taking a punt on the Melbourne Cup - Part 2 of 2 by Douglas, House on stone block by Jay, A visit to the Southern Highlands by Rodney, Not ice, nor 'Ice', nor snow. Just Pilbara salt by Douglas, The Angel of Edgecliff by Fran, Copy chocolate? by Mick, Nice Fashion - if you can wear it by Fran, Telephone sockets in Australia by Douglas, Two textures of life in Australia by William1, Werris Creek Station by Douglas, Leaving their mark in stone by Douglas, TOGETHER! by Sunflower10, Musk lorikeets, eagles, galahs and eucalypts... by Sunflower10, Eureka! by Sunflower10, The Eureka Playground by Sunflower10, Australia’s familiar past by Socceroo, Cyclone Supplies by KellyJayne

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